Rip Her to Shreds
by a-isforalison
Summary: At this point, she knows Regina's story about how their friendship ended better than she knows the halftorah. / or: really, janis should have seen that coming. — janis/regina (tw: homophobia, r slur, bullying, cheating, misogyny, ed mention)


**A/N:** i feel like this is a staple of regina/janis shipping? also, yes this is because we all know regina is a lesbian. and i left it kinda up to interpretation if janis is bi or a lesbian struggling w coercive heteronormativity.

oh, and just so y'all know, janis is still lebanese in this (on her dad's side). i decided to make her jewish because lizzy caplan is so it makes sense. and then regina is just. because why not?

* * *

Janis Ian's best friend, if you ask anyone who's anyone at North Shore Junior High, is Regina George. Regina is something like the Barbie doll Janis' mother thought looked too goyishe to buy her as a kid: blonde, busty, blue eyed, and all-American.

Despite what Janis' mother has to say about Barbie, Regina isn't a goy. Janis and Regina met at synagogue actually. Both their families are Reform Jews and both their dads converted for their wife.

Gretchen Wieners, one of their other "best friends" (Janis doesn't actually think Regina likes Gretchen all that much), is Jewish too. But neither of Gretchen's parents are converts and her family is Orthodox so Regina all but dismisses that unless Gretchen is whining about a Chanukkah gift or complaining about a lack of kosher dining options.

Sometimes Janis thinks that Gretchen is jealous of the fact that Regina and Janis go to the same synagogue and are best friends _for real_.

It makes her feel almost proud.

* * *

At lunch one day, Karen Smith, the last in their clique and the _dumbest_ by far as well as the token goy, asks if she should be eating kosher too. Regina rolls her eyes and exchanges _a look_ with Janis as Gretchen, not ever welcomed to share those looks with Janis and Regina, explains that your best friends being Jewish doesn't make you Jewish by association. Again.

Karen nods like she understands but Regina knows she doesn't.

Regina whispers into Janis' ear, her breath tickling the other girl's neck, "we should start a poll to guess when she'll ask again." It's not particularly biting or catty, like the rumor she started about Trang Pak last week was, but Janis laughs anyway. Janis always just laughs at Regina's jokes. A part of Regina, an admittedly big part, wishes Janis would giggle into her hand like Regina does when boys flirt with her.

It's not that Regina wants Janis to like her like that—G-d, she's not a dyke or anything. She just wants Janis to be more feminine, to compensate for the muddied sneakers she lets only Janis get away with wearing.

If Gretchen or Karen wore those G-d awful sneakers, Regina wouldn't let them sit with her at lunch. But Janis, Janis is special.

After all, Janis is her best friend.

* * *

Gretchen had her bat mitzvah last year, when she turned twelve. Regina had considered making the other girl apologize for being Orthodox because of it, before letting Janis talk her out of it because it was petty, even for her. This year, however, Janis was turning thirteen. Gretchen was too but it wasn't special in the same way Janis turning thirteen would be and Regina turning thirteen had been last spring.

Janis' birthday is in late autumn. She made sure to go over the list of people who were were _desperate wannabes_ or _soon to be losers_ or _who even are you?'s_ or _scum of the school_ with Regina ten times before she handed out her invitations at lunch, accompanied by Karen, who was really just there to smile and look pretty, and Gretchen, who was trying not to pout about how more people cared about Janis' bat mitzvah than had cared about hers.

The two girls had decided together that it would just be frigging hilarious to make sure that Janis stopped by Jenna Abano's table to let them know they weren't invited because Regina thought they were capital L _losers_. Judging by Karen and Gretchen's laughter, they'd been right.

"What, can't make any decisions without your girlfriend?" Jenna spits back, eyebrow cocked.

Karen and Gretchen stop laughing right away; Karen because she has to think to figure out what that means and Gretchen because she doesn't have to.

Boiling inside her, Janis can feel her confusion—her embarrassment? Her shame? She can't even place what that raw fear she's feeling means.

Regina has to breathe for a moment, to stop her nostrils from flaring. She, like, can't believe anyone would even say that about her and Janis. G-d, it's like you can't be best friends anymore.

Once her composure is reset (not that it takes very long), Regina's tongue is sharp again. "I know you wish Jan and I would, like, scissor in front of you or something, but you just need to accept that it's never going to happen and like, go shave your legs or something. Toodles, Jenna," she waves gracefully, like she's in a beauty pageant. Somehow it's just as harsh as slapping the girl would have been.

"That was so fetch," Gretchen gasps once they leave Jenna Abano and her gaping mouth and stunned silent friends.

"Wait, what's fetch?" Karen asks, her head cocked.

Gretchen perks up at someone acknowledging her new so-called slang. "It's like, slang. From England, that cute British boy I told you about told me about it."

"Ohh, okay ... What's scissoring?"

Regina snorts briefly at Karen's total cluelessness. She doesn't even notice the way her stomach feels funny or the way Janis sort of just stares stupidly at her, as silent as Jenna Abano's clique of wannabes.

* * *

Cool, composed Janis doesn't even look at Regina when Gretchen and Karen go downstairs to get snacks like Regina ordered them to.

It's kind of pissing Regina off, actually. Maybe that's why she says anything. Maybe she just feels like being a bitch. "Okay, Jan, what's up with you? You've been, like, totally weird since lunch."

"... Why were you offended that Jenna Abano called us girlfriends?" Janis asks.

Suddenly the foot between them feels claustrophobic. Regina needs to get the hell away from Janis, can't frigging deal with this kind of question. It's a retarded question. G-d. Why wouldn't she be offended? Jenna frigging Abano tried to call them dykes. Jenna Abano who drools over Janis in the locker room. Jenna Abano who Regina wants _dead_. (At least socially dead.)

"Um, because she was basically calling us _dykes_ , duh," the blonde scoffs, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

Janis almost grunts in frustration and Regina thinks maybe she could hit the girl.

"Gina, I'm just ... I just ... I don't think being gay should be an insult, y'know? Like ... You know my cousin, Norma, she's ..." she wishes the words would come out. Instead she's choking on them like a moron. Regina must think she's stupid or something now, _G-d_.

Before Janis can bolt like she feels like she has to, Gretchen and Karen are back with the snacks and soda.

Their reappearance doesn't make Janis sit any closer to Regina and it doesn't make the pounding in either of their chests stop.

* * *

It turns out, Regina and Janis both don't wanna talk about it again. It's not like anyone even cares. The next day at school, everyone is talking about Janis Ian's bat mitzvah. In another town, a town where Regina George isn't the most popular girl in school, a bat mitzvah would probably never be considered cool, let alone _this_ cool.

Thankfully, Regina George will never have to live in a town where she isn't the most popular girl in school and the bat mitzvah of her best friend isn't wildly awesome.

* * *

They go to the movies, just them. It's not a date, Regina assured herself again and again before leaving. G-d. Of course it isn't a date. They're best friends. They need to get back to their pattern of being best friends before Janis' bat mitzvah. That's the point of even going to the movies, after all.

So what if Janis wears a tighter skirt than she would to school? It's just her and Regina. Just her and Regina.

Regina almost feels sick when she finds herself staring at Janis' hand on the armrest.

She's not a dyke. Janis isn't a dyke. Jenna Abano is a dumbass poser who likes to think she's snarky, like no one knows she's got a massive crush on Janis. Janis and Regina have talked about what boys they wanna marry (Regina wants to be a Kennedy and Janis wants to marry a CIA agent or something _cool_ ) and how many kids they want. Janis and Regina like boys.

(Right?)

Maybe they played house when they were kids and Regina was the mom and Janis was the dad. It doesn't make them dykes. They still decided to make a mom and a dad, after all.

It doesn't matter that Regina kind of wants to hold Janis' hand. It doesn't matter that she kind of wants this to be a date. She doesn't really. She just misses her best friend. That's normal. If she asked Janis, Janis would agree. Hell, if she asked Janis' lezzy cousin Norma, she'd agree.

Regina makes sure to squeal about how hot Adam Garcia is after the movie. Janis kind of just shrugs.

* * *

Even though Janis can be every bit as bitchy and underhanded as Regina and Gretchen (Karen is almost too simple minded to be mean, she thinks), she's never quite been like Regina and Gretchen. Sure, she's pretty and her family has money and she knows what clothes she looks good in and how to do her hair and what facial masks and moisturizer to use and reads Cosmo and all of that, but Janis has always been more of a free spirit.

She's an artist. Regina has always been sort of proud of how talented she is, even when Gretchen says bitchy little things like "you know Van Gogh, like, cut his ear off, right?" or "my dad, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, says that artists end up loser stoners at liberal arts colleges."

More than just that, Janis can be ... Nice. Not in the fake sickly sweet way Regina can pretend to be or the clingy desperate for your validation way that Gretchen does or even the too stupid to be mean to you without instruction way that Karen is. Janis can be genuinely nice. She thinks she probably has the most conscience of all the girls.

Janis has no problems being a bitch to people who deserve it. Catty girls who spread rumors and shit unprovoked (not even because their friends need it, like Regina does) and have daddies who threaten you with lawyers, the kind who think gay is an insult or that it's okay to call Janis or _her friends_ kikes. But Janis won't be a bitch just to be a bitch and she won't blow you off last minute because something better for her social status came along.

Sometimes she thinks that if it wasn't for the fact that Regina liked her, for some stupid, stupid reason, she'd be some loser outcast, like those girls who eat their feelings and don't know to stick their fingers down their throats afterwards.

Still, she knows right away that she screwed something up when she told Regina she wasn't cool with _that word_ being used as an insult. Regina's been pushing her away ever since, like she's afraid Janis will eat her alive or something if she doesn't bring up boys every two seconds.

Gretchen and Karen might just think Regina is finally getting boy crazy, but Janis knows it's her fault.

Maybe Regina is worried Janis is a lesbian now, like Norma. Maybe Regina thinks that'd be bad—or that Janis likes her. She should've just sucked it up and let them toss it around with disgust like it was some STD or a gross rumor about some fugly wannabe. It's days like this Janis wishes she could just be a bitch, all the way through.

* * *

Kyle Whatshisface is cute, Janis guesses. Or at least, that's what Regina, Gretchen, and Karen seem to think. Janis isn't sure she really sees it. She kind of thinks it's just his hair cut as she picks apart all his flaws.

He scratches his arm pits to check his B.O., his left eye is like way smaller than his right one, he's got acne on his shoulders, his eyebrows are too bushy, his shoulders are too broad, his legs aren't the same length, he drowns himself in AXE like it'll make him smell decent, he's nowhere near good enough for all her friends to be drooling over him like he's a Greek god. Especially not Regina. Regina deserves someone pretty and soft who smells nice, Janis thinks.

Or a Kennedy. If that's what she _really_ wants. (Janis kind of hopes it isn't.)

It's kind of whatever though, they don't seem to care that Janis tears him apart. It only makes Regina insist he's hot even more. So what if that makes Janis kind of want to go back in time to tear up his invitation to her bat mitzvah? She's just being protective of her best friend.

She rips apart her pita bread, almost angrily as Gretchen giggles that Kyle "like, totally loves Regina, _totally_ " and Karen nods excitedly and tells Regina to ask him out.

"Puh - lease," Regina scoffs, "Regina George does not ask people out. Kyle should be begging me to date him."

Regina flips her hair, long and blonde and straightened to be silky, and Janis thinks she stops breathing for a second.

* * *

Gretchen is excited to inform Janis that Kyle and Regina are going out now the next week at school. If Janis didn't feel sick, she'd be annoyed that Gretchen was so happy about the so-called victory of Regina telling her first.

* * *

Suddenly, Janis' bat mitzvah is three days away and she hasn't even hung out alone with her best friend in two weeks. Kyle, Regina's _boyfriend_ (as she's constantly reminded), is taking up all of Regina's time, all of a sudden. Worse, the rest of Regina's time goes to Gretchen and Karen. She barely spares Janis a phone call after school, nowadays, and she hasn't shared of those _looks_ with Janis since the day they passed out Janis' invitations.

She's lying in bed, her eyes stinging. Regina and her only actually come close to talking like they used to at synagogue now and Janis knows that if Kyle goes to her bat mitzvah, Regina will spend all night with _him_ instead of with her best friend. Maybe they aren't even best friends anymore.

Oh G-d, what if Janis blew their friendship when she opened her big mouth about her cousin Norma.

The tears start sliding out at the mere thought. She _hates_ the idea of Gretchen replacing her as Regina's best friend forever. More than that, she hates the idea of losing Regina. They've been best friends since they were little kids, since before Regina had a baby sister to ask Janis to babysit with her. The thought of all of that disappearing because of the likes of Jenna Abano (and Janis' stupid mouth and inability to shut up) absolutely kills her.

She decides, then and there, that even if Kyle Whatshisface _was_ good enough for Regina, she would still hate him.

* * *

Kyle gets sick the day of Janis' bat mitzvah and she cries tears of joy when Kyle's mom calls her mom to tell them he won't be able to come.

"Are you okay, honey? Kyle is Regina's boyfriend, right?" Mrs. Ian asks, checking over the guest list.

"Never been better, Mom!" Janis laughs. She feels frigging giddy, like what she guesses goy kids feel like on Christmas morning. She thinks she could imagine being Karen Smith right now, rushing out of bed and still believing in Santa Claus and knowing presents await under her Christmas tree. It takes her a second to realize she's frigging jumping around, like a little kid hyped up on sugar. She doesn't care enough about appearances when she's at home to stop.

Her mom raises an eyebrow but doesn't push too hard. "I'll take it you don't like him much." Janis forces herself not to think too much about the answer to that.

* * *

For her bat mitzvah at least, the four of them are back to normal. Karen holds their hands and dances with them before she gets pulled off to dance with some boys Janis barely remembers inviting. Gretchen tries desperately to get their approval and flirt with this rat faced boy Janis can't stand but Gretchen thinks is sweet (Regina almost snorts at that as she gives Janis _the look_ and Janis has never felt more normal in her life).

Most importantly, Regina is Janis' best friend, not Kyle's girlfriend.

Kyle doesn't even exist tonight, as far as Janis is concerned. Kyle has never even existed tonight, actually. The only Kyle Janis knows tonight is Karen's weird cousin Kyle who doesn't mind buying them beer when he's in town.

"You look really pretty," the blonde smiles that sugary smile. Janis hopes it isn't fake tonight.

"Thanks, Reg," she giggles, falling against her best friend. Spinning around and calling it dancing is too much effort now, she thinks. She hopes Regina won't mind ...

Regina laughs at that, a part of her thrilled that Janis finally giggled at something she said. "So you agree? You think you're really pretty?"

"Shut up," Janis laughs as she playfully slugs Regina. "You look really pretty too, y'know."

For a moment, Regina just smiles at her and nothing else matters. They're just Regina and Janis. No labels, no fear, no worries. Just two best friends. Forever.

* * *

(Really, Janis should know better than to think it's permanent.)

* * *

By school, even though everyone else is still gushing about her bat mitzvah, Regina is back to before. Kyle is her constant plus one, practically attached to her hip. Janis wants to frigging strangle him, if she's completely honest with herself.

Regina just wants him to keep her from ever smiling at Janis Ian like that ever again.

G-d, she is so not a dyke. Maybe she can't say the same for Janis anymore, after experiencing her hanging all over Regina, but Regina knows she's not a dyke. She has a boyfriend, for Christ's sake.

Karen and Gretchen have boyfriends too now, boys from Janis' bat mitzvah that Regina had approved of enough to at least be invited to the party. They must be worthy of her friends if that's the case. Janis, however, remains single and completely boyfriend-less, as she has been her entire life.

(Unless you count the time they got married to each other in first grade. Regina doesn't count that— _won't_ count that.)

During history, Gretchen and her whisper together while they're supposed to be working on a group project.

"So, like, do you think there's any truth to what Jenna said then? Since everyone but Janis has at least had a boyfriend, I mean ..." the brunette asks in what she pretends to think is a quiet voice.

A month ago, Regina would've rolled her eyes without hesitation and called Gretchen a dumbass. Now, she's not so sure. "I mean, maybe, but she might just be, like, socially retarded with boys, y'know, Gretch? Remember that time in fifth grade when she liked Glen Coco and she said all that dumb crap to him?"

"I mean, like, maybe ... I just don't know if we should invite her to the pool this weekend—just in case," she shrugs with feigned innocence.

Regina's palms are sweating too much for her to stand up for Janis.

* * *

Janis finds out from Karen (with no underhanded intentions, she knows) that they hung out at Regina's pool without her that weekend. Regina lies and tells her they thought she said she had some weird family thing or whatever so they didn't bother inviting her. Gretchen nods like it's the truth and Karen furrows her eyebrows, confused as ever.

Their lying doesn't make Janis stupid. Still, she doesn't say anything to them about it. Janis just accepts it with a smile and a nod like nothing is wrong.

She thinks that they know that she knows.

The worst though is that she thinks she knows _why_.

At least, Janis knows why Jenna Abano and Taylor Zimmermann think it happened. Apparently, people are starting to speculate that maybe she's—gasp—a lesbian. It's bullshit, it's total bullshit. Regina herself could verify every crush Janis has ever had.

That leaves the question, doesn't it? If Regina heard that rumor, why wouldn't she shut it down? Regina knows it's not true. Karen and Gretchen should too. G-d, just because all her friends have boyfriends but her doesn't mean she's a lesbian.

Not that it'd be bad if she was. Janis believes in all that "your sexuality doesn't make you a bad person" stuff, even if her dad is iffy about her hanging out with Norma and Norma's girlfriend ever since she came out.

Janis decides that, instead of worrying about it, she should just pick a boy to like.

* * *

The boy Janis picks, it turns out, is Kyle's best friend or something like that. Regina rather quickly decides this calls for double dates and double weddings. Janis can't really imagine marrying him or anything. She just kind of thinks he's cute, at least for a boy. The girls at North Shore are much, much cuter than the boys, she thinks.

Whatever. If Regina wants to have a double wedding with her best friend, Janis will give it to her. She's always been a sucker for blue eyes. Especially Regina's blue eyes.

Kyle's best friend, Eric, is nice as it turns out. He holds the door open for Janis and gives her his jacket when she's cold and pays for her movie ticket with his allowance instead of making her spend any of her bat mitzvah money. Not that she could if she wanted to considering she's already invested it in art.

Even Gretchen likes him, when she brings him to sit with them at lunch. Karen kind of ends up talking to him in detail about the importance of some weird show they both like but Janis doesn't really mind.

In all honesty, Janis is just happy to not be getting forgotten when plans are made involving pools again. And it doesn't hurt that Regina is smiling at her again, not in that fake sweet way she did when she lied. Janis kind of thinks that that's nicer than when Eric kisses her in the movie theater.

* * *

Winter break passes and Karen has gone through three boyfriends already. Janis isn't sure if she should be impressed or if she should be judging Karen like Gretchen and Regina seem to be. She doesn't think about it too much, though. Spring is getting closer which means that Regina's birthday is coming up.

Regina's birthday parties are always amazing. Like, last year, for Regina's bat mitzvah, she got three DJs and two floors—not to mention the fact that Shane Oman got _head_ at the party and a junior had asked Regina to dance— _and she said no_.

The best part of them in Janis' opinion though is just Regina.

Of course, Regina is selfish and her ego is three times bigger than normal and you're obligated to kiss her ass twice as much as usual but there's something that makes Janis' insides feel all gooey and bubbly simultaneously about seeing Regina so ... Happy.

Karen giggles with her about how they can't wait for Regina's party this year, but Janis thinks Karen doesn't quite _get_ how she feels.

* * *

Janis and Eric break up two weeks before Regina's birthday and Janis realizes she can take the opportunity to be needy and messy and get more hugs from Regina, even though she isn't actually all that sad. In fact, she broke up with Eric. She makes sure to tell her friends that in a sobby, puffy eyed desperate sort of way though, like she wants everyone to think that but it isn't true.

They spread it like wildfire of course and Janis knows to keep her fake heartbreak out of everyone else's eyes.

Gretchen and Karen are kind of clueless and useless about how to comfort a crying Janis so Regina just sends them to get junk food she normally wouldn't allow any of them to eat unless they promised to take care of it later. The blonde doesn't really seem to mind being left to cradle Janis and brush her hair and hug her. Janis thinks maybe she kind of likes it.

It's nice, just to get to be her best friend's top priority again. All of them prioritize Janis, actually. Gretchen even breaks up with her boyfriend (for the second time) to "go through this with Jan." It's sweet in a way. Then Janis realizes Gretchen kind of just wants the same attention she's getting.

Regina doesn't give it to her.

Janis feels kind of proud.

* * *

The week before Regina's birthday, it happens. Regina is comforting a "heartbroken" Janis and brushing her hair out of her face and telling her boys are stupid and useless and pointless and Janis lets it slip out.

"Why can't—hic—we just marry each other? 'Stead of worrying about double weddings with dumb boys ..."

She's lucky, really, that Gretchen and Karen are too busy getting ice cream to hear. She knows all the things they'd call her otherwise—dyke, lesbo, _freak_.

(Well, Gretchen would. Karen might agree with Janis, actually.)

Regina doesn't call her any of those names. Regina doesn't actually say anything at all and that in and of itself terrifies Janis. If telling Regina that her cousin is a lesbian ruined them, what will telling Regina she wishes they could get married do?

A big part of Janis, loud and roaring, would rather be dead than find out.

But then Regina has Janis' head in her hands and is leaning down, her eyes half open. It's all kind of hazy but Janis thinks that maybe if Regina's eyes had been closed she would've said no, would've just pulled away, but Regina's eyes weren't closed and Janis has never been able to say no to those eyes ...

Peppermint. Regina George tastes like peppermint. Peppermint and coconut chapstick, actually. Janis thinks she likes the taste, thinks she likes the kiss, actually.

(Maybe Janis thinks she likes girls.)

(Or maybe just _Regina_.)

Regina is the one who yanks away, surprisingly. Janis is kind of dazed and confused and not coherent enough to have yanked away and remembered that Regina has a boyfriend and they're both straight and she only feigned heartbroken because she missed her best friend. Or maybe only one of those things is true.

Janis can see Regina's train of thought. It's etched on that pretty, pretty face. It terrifies Janis.

"Holy crap, Janis, I thought Jenna was—I can't believe you just did that—what the hell? I'm dating Kyle, G-d!" Regina stares at her a moment, horrified and Janis almost believes that _she_ initiated the kiss. There's a pause, like Regina is thinking really hard, trying to find it in her to forgive the other girl or something. "You know what? It's fine, I, like, won't tell anyone, m'kay? You're probably just all confused 'cause of your lezzy cousin. Did she, like, make you wear flannel or something? It's whatever if she did, this is ... This is our secret, m'kay, Jan? You didn't mean to, right? Norma's just been, like, brainwashing you."

She knows what happened. She knows _Regina_ is the one who leaned down. That doesn't stop Janis from nodding helplessly like it's all her fault.

Maybe she isn't lucky Gretchen and Karen are downstairs.

* * *

She doesn't even get the cold shoulder the next day. She just gets uninvited from Regina's birthday party. Regina is all fake smiles and "I've been thinking but" and it makes Janis feel kind of sick to her stomach.

By sixth period, everyone thinks Janis Ian is a _dyke_.

By the time she gets home, even her mom has heard. She's lucky her dad isn't home yet to hear to, she supposes. Janis doesn't feel lucky. And then her mom is on the phone with Regina's mom and they're yelling and all Janis can really catch from it is "lesbian, lesbian, lesbian—dyke."

Her dad doesn't get home until his dinner is cold and he doesn't know what everyone thinks but Janis still doesn't feel lucky that he doesn't know.

Janis has never felt less lucky in her life.

* * *

The next day there's _a petition_ to get her out of the girl's locker room and Janis decides she hates Regina, the same way she decided she liked Eric.

Only this time there's no ulterior motive to get _that bitch's_ attention. Janis kind of thinks she's like the Wicked Witch of the West now (well, the Wicked Witch of the Midwest). It's a shame that she can't just melt the bitch. It's an even bigger shame that she can't just tell them all that Regina kissed her.


End file.
